Alternative Word Meanings


Funny alternative meanings of words 

Abdicate

Academy

Acne

Adolescence

Adultery

Agog

Alcohol

Anglophile

Anticlimax

Antidote

Approximate

Archaeologist

Artefact

Artery

Asterisk

Bachelor

Bacon

Bacteria

Bakewell Tart

Balderdash

Ballbearing

Bargain

Barium
Bashful
Benign

Bicycle

Bigamist
Biology

Bore
Budget

Burglarize

To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach

School for scoundrels

A borough in North London

A time when you think you'll never be as stupid as your parents

What happens after puberty

A half finished Jewish place of worship

A bitter liquid used to help white people dance

One who loves fishing

A tool used when descending mountains

An amusing story that insects tell at social gatherings

An acquaintance, sort of a friend
Someone whose career lies in ruins

A pretentious statistic
The study of paintings

The possibility of being hit by an asteroid

A man who doesn't know how many faults he has

The main reason you are not a vegetarian

The rear entrance of a cafe

A northern lady of easy virtue

A rapidly receding hairline

The side on which a gentleman dresses

Something you don't need at a price you can't resist

What doctors recommend when their patients die
Very aggressive

What you'll be after being eight

A sexually confused mode of transport
Italian fog
Scientific study of the number two

Someone who, when you ask how he is, tells you
An orderly system of living beyond your means

What a crook sees with



Candelabra

Cannibal

Cardiac

Carnation

Cashew

Cigarette
Circumvent

Claustrophobia

Cock-a-leekie

Coconuts
Collywobbles

Colonoscopy

Compromise

Consciousness

Conservative
Courtesy

Cursory

Cystitis

Definite

Deleterious

Delight

Denial

Dermatological
Diet

Dilate

Diplomat

Drunk

Dumbwaiter

Dyslexia

Eerie

Egotist

Elderberry

Enema

Erection
Etc
Exercise

Experience

Extractor fan

Eyedropper

Word uttered by wizards to magically turn on the lights

Someone fed up with people

A person with a fetish for knitwear

A country where everyone owns an automobile

The sound a nut makes when it sneezes

A pinch of tobacco wrapped in paper with a fire at one end and a fool at the other
An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

Fear of Father Christmas

Prostate problem

A clown's testicles
Overweight sheep dog

The art of scrutinising punctuation

Dividing a cake in such a way that everyone thinks they have the biggest piece

That annoying time between naps

Large greenhouse full of hot air

The art of yawning with your mouth closed

Prone to swearing

An allergy to one's sister

Term used by chavs to describe the hard of hearing

The feeling of panic after deleting something important

To plunge into darkness

A river in Egypt

An Irish computer programmer
A selection of food that makes other people lose weight
To live a long life

A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip

Future tense of drink

One who asks if the kids would like to order dessert

Daily sex

A bit like an ear

Person more interested in himself than me

Old grave digger

Not a friend

How the Japanese vote for a new government

Abbreviation used to make people think you know more than you do
The poor man's plastic surgery

The name we give to our mistakes

Former aficionado of farm machinery

A clumsy opthalmologist


Fallible

Father

Feasible

Fibula

Finish

Flabbergasted

Flatulence

Fragrant

Fundamental

Something that is likely to topple over

A banker provided by nature

Able to be charged for

A small lie

A bit like a Finn

Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained

Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller

Sweet smelling tramp

Provide financial support to a Scientologist



Gargoyle

Gear

Genital

Geranium

Gestate

Goblet

Go Global

Grammar

Granary

Grandparents

Gripe

Hamlet

Hearsay

Heaven

Hebrew

Homophobe

Horoscope
Horsepower

Hospice

Humour

Hydrangea

Extremely thick mouthwash

An alcoholic drink popular with ventriloquists

Non-Jewish person

Cry of the parachute regiment’s flower arranging display team

Having recently been fed

A very small mouth

To put on a lot of weight

Difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit

Old folks home

People who are experts on how to bring up your children

What Australians make wine from

A small pig

What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word

A place full of everything you get sent to Hell for

Jewish teabag

One who doesn't like The Simpsons

Device for spying on your mother-in-law
Basic unit of laryngitis

A centre for the treatment of equine urinary disorders

A funny swelling

Tonto's covert companion


Icon

Impotent

Impregnable

Incommodius

Increment

Inkling

Inkwell

Intense

Intercontinental

Fruit of a highly symbolic oak tree

Distinguished, well known

A woman whose memories of childbirth are still vivid

Unable to get to the toilet on time

The opposite of excrement

Suspicious feeling you're being ripped off when you buy a printer cartridge

An accomplished tattooist

Camping

One who has wet themself all over the world


Jitterbug

Joan of Arc

Jury

A nervous insect

Mother of Noah

Twelve people untrained in law appointed for their legal opinion


Kaleidoscope

Kamikaze

Ketchup

Kingdom

Kleptomaniacs

Knickers

Traffic camera that only captures accidents

A drink composed of all the available beverages mixed into one

To gain distance on someone

A contraceptive specially made for royalty

People who help themselves because they can't help themselves

Kleptomaniacs


Lactose

Lampoon

Lavish

Laxity

Liability

Libel

Locomotive

Lottery

Logarithm
Lymph

Not having all the individual parts of the foot

A device for whaling at night

A bit like a toilet

Disinterest in finding a cure for constipation

The ability to lie

Australian price tag

A plea of insanity

A tax on people who are useless at maths

To record a piece of music
To walk with a lisp


Malediction

Mandrake

Manometer

Medical staff

Medieval

Melancholic

Miasma
Misconception

Miser

Monochrome
Morbid

Nanometer

Negligent

Neighbours

Nomad

Nomology

Irresistible compulsion to spend all your time in a shopping arcade

A mythical creature, half man half duck

Device for detecting disguised males in a group of females

A doctor's walking cane

Not completely wicked

Depression caused by having large breasts

The reason I carry my inhaler
Pregnancy occurring when taking birth control pills

A person who lives in poverty so that they can die rich

Boring
A higher offer

Device for counting grannies

Absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown

The strangers who live next door

Not at all angry

Scientific study of gnomes


Oasis

Oboe

Office

Onion bhaji

Osmosis

Ostracised

Oyster

Paradox

Penicillin

Petroleum

Pets

Philistines
Phoney

Pilates

Pistachio

Plebiscite

Polygamy

Politics

Poor
Postoperative
Professor
Prophet

Psychologist

Psychopath

A card player's cry of delight

Musical vagrant

A place to relax after a strenuous night at home

French canal boat

An early Australian prophet

To be inoculated against ostriches
Person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions

Two physicians

What to give to the man who has everything

Garage floor covering

The only members of your family that you actually like

Hostile group of islands in the Pacific Ocean

Relating to telephones

Chinese pirates

To draw a moustache on a poster whilst under the influence of drink

Web page for common people

The art of parrot folding

Many small blood sucking insects

Too much month at the end of your money

Mailman or letter carrier
Opposite of confessor
What greedy religious organisations desire

A man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room

Crazy paving


Quadrangle

Quartz

Quince

Four people arguing simultaneously

Drinking vessels that contain two pints

Not quite a coincidence


Ramification

Rapscallion

Ratchet

Rectitude

Recursive

Revolution

Roach

Romantic

Rudimentary

A consequence that is forced down your throat

A funky spring onion

Rodent droppings

The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you

Swearing repeatedly

A turned around decision you made on New Years Day

To live off of friends resources

An Italian flea

Commentary for a porn movie


Sage

School teacher
Secret

Seizure
Semiconductor

Shambolic
Shin

Show off

SITCOM

Slut

Sorcery

Splint
Stalemate

Statistics

Stick

Stucco
Synonym
Syntax

A man who knows his onions

A disillusioned person who used to like children

Something you tell to one person at a time

The act of capturing a Roman emperor
Part-time bandleader

A false testicle
A device for finding furniture in the dark

A child who is more talented than yours

Single income, two children, oppressive mortgage

A woman with the morals of a man

A bit like a saucer

To run very quickly with a broken leg
The leading cause of divorce

Where the truth lies

A boomerang that doesn't come back

Hitherto unknown Marx Brother
A word you use in place of one you can't spell
A tariff on immorality


Tadpole

Tapioca

Tattoo
Testiculate

Thesaurus

Tomorrow

Toothache

Top bunk

Tourettes

Transcendental

Trumpet

Trigonometry

Unction

Unisex

Undertaker

Unseemly

Urdu

Slightly Polish

A disappointing dance routine
Permanent proof of temporary insanity
To wave your arms around and talk bollocks

A dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary

Today's greatest labour saving device

A pain that drives you to extraction

Where you should never put a child who is wearing Superman pyjamas

Very short coach holidays

Above the teeth

One who has an extremely large ego

A cowboys method for locating his horse

No effin' use

Why most students enroll for university education

A half-hearted shoplifter

Badly finished garments

Liverpool coiffure



Varicose

Velocity

Vigilant

Vuja De

Wallaby

Walnut

Whisky

Willy-nilly

Wisteria

Wok

Wrench

Wright

X

Xenophobia

Yawn

Yeast

Yokel

Youth

Nearby, not far away

A large town where cycling is very popular

A very observant sister of one of your parents

The feeling that you've never been here before

Someone aspiring to be a kangaroo

Person with an obsession for decorating

A bit like a whisk

Impotent

Laughing until you wet yourself

What you thwow at a wabbit

A female spanner

Correctly executed, but ethically wrong

What hens lay

Fear of Buddhism

An honest opinion openly expressed

The smallest amount possible

The centre of a small egg

Key time of life wasted on the young


Zebra

Zipper

Zulu

A horse in pyjamas

What you do with de doodah

A toilet at an animal park