Glossary

Dilate To live a long life

Cardiac Person with a fetish for knitwear

Elderberry Old grave digger

Cock-a-leekie Prostate problem

Sarcasm The brains natural defense against the less intelligent

Friends The strangers you communicate with on social media

Synonym A word used in place of one you can't spell

Pets The only members of your family that you actually like

Democracy Political system where voters have the freedom to elect a dictator

Irony Painting pictures of trees on paper

Reality Annoying time between waking up and logging onto the internet

Argument Discussion that continues until the other person admits you're right

Anacondom A large-sized, constrictive contraceptive

Bozone Layer Space surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating

Aquadextrous Having the ability to turn the bathroom taps on and off with both feet

Disconfect To sterilise a piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it

Ecnalubma A rescue vehicle only visible in the rear view mirror

Disinvited You were welcome at the party, but now you're not

Elbonics The actions of people at the theatre maneuvering for the armrest

Generica Country where all the cities look the same

Grantartica The cold, isolated place where arts companies without funding dwell

Kinsterpation A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit

Neonphancy A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life

Roach To live off your friends resources